Monty Python and the Holy Grail Sounds
Scene 13 - Scene 18

Description Size
Scene 13
Ni!! 2K
We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nuu-wom! Nuu-wom! 21K
We shall say Ni again to you, if you do not appease us 13K
We want... a shrubbery! [dramatic chord] A what? 18K
Knights of Ni, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ow! Ni! Ni! Ow! Ni! 29K
We are the knights who!! 9K
Who are you? We are the Knights who say Ni!! No, not the Knights who say Ni!! The Same!! 26K
O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. One that looks nice! Of course. And not too expensive! Yes. Now go!! 29K
Scene 14
One day lad, all this will be yours. What, the curtains? No, not the curtains lad 15K
But mother -- Father, lad, father!! 7K
But I don't want any of that.... 6K
Stop that, stop that! You're not going to do a song while I'm here. 9K
Listen, Alice.. Herbert! Herbert.. 7K
We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get. 9K
I've built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. The king said I was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. An' that's what your gonna get, lad -- the strongest castle in these islands. 68K
She's got huge....tracts of land 9K
And no singing! [hic] Oh, and go and get a glass of water 10K
Scene 15
[thunk] Message for you sir.... 8K
To whoever finds this note, I have been imprisoned by my father, who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle. At last! A call, a cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail! 62K
Brave, brave Concorde! You shall not have died in vain! Uh, I'm-I'm not quite dead, sir. Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain! Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, sir. Oh, I see. 37K
I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular... (sigh) Idiom, sir? Idiom! 27K
I'll-uh, I'll just stay here, then, shall I, sir? Yeah. 13K
Scene 16
Oh fair one, behold your humble servant Sir Lancelot of Camelot. I have come to take...oh, I'm terribly sorry. You got my note!! Well, I got a note. You've come to rescue me. Well no, you see, ahhh..... I knew someone would!! I knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone (music starts)... Stop that!!! Stop it!!! Stop it!! Who are you? I'm your son! No, not you!! I'm Sir Lancelot sir. He's come to rescue me father. Well, let's not jump to conclusions. Did you all the guards? Ahhhh, oh, yes 85K
You only killed the bride's father, that's all. Well, I really didn't mean to.Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head! Oh dear, is he alright? 19K
You killed eight wedding guests in all! Well, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady. I can understand that. 15K
Pretty nice castle, Camelot. Uh, pretty good pig country.... Is it? Hurry, I'm ready! 19K
Um, I think when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away. Oh, don't worry about that. Oooh! (Herbert falls out the window) [splat] 18K
Scene 17
Oh, bloody hell. 3K
He's killed the best man! 6K
He killed my auntie!! Please, please, this is supposed to be a happy occasion 18K
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. 11K
For, since the tragic death of her father-- He's not quite dead! Since the near fatal wounding of her father-- He's getting better! For, since her own father... who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him,-- [guards kill her father] [ugh] Oh, he's died! 66K
And I want his only daughter to look upon me as her own dad, in a very real, and legally binding sense 21K
Look, the dead prince! He's not quite dead 18K
You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep!! No, I was saved at the last minute. How?! 18K
Quickly sir, come this way. No, it's not right for my idiom. I must escape more ... <sigh> Dramatically sir! Dramatically!! 25K
Excuse me, could uhh, could somebody give me a push? 6K
Scene 18
Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?[dramatic chord] Who sent you? The Knights who say Ni! Argh, no!! 44K
If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... `Ni!'. Agh! Do your worst! 27K
Ni! No! Never! No shrubs!! 13K
Noo!!!! 3K
Noo! Noo! No no no no, it's not that, it's ni! Noo! No no, ni! You're not doing it properly. Noo! Ni! Thats's it, that's it, you've got it! 22K
Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman? Um, yes. Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say `ni' at will to old ladies. 26K
I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies. 17K
Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history. 14K
There is a pestilence upon this land 6K