Gumby Brain Specialist

(Close up on a sign saying 'Harley Street'. Stirring music. Mix through to interior of a smart, plush, expensive Harley Street consulting room. The music swells and fades. Knocking at door, a short pause, then T.F. Gumby enters, backwards.)

T.F. Gumby (Michael Palin): Doctor! Doctor! DOCTOR! (he goes up to the antique desk and bangs the bell violently; he smashes the intercom and breaks the desk up) Doctor! Doctor! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! Doctor! Doctor! Where is the Doctor?

(A pause. Then another door opens and another Gumby appears.)

Specialist (John Cleese): Hello!

T.F. Gumby: Are you the brain specialist?

Specialist: Hello!

T.F. Gumby: Are you the brain specialist?

Specialist: No, no, I am not the brain specialist. No, no, I am not! Yes. Yes I am.

T.F. Gumby: My brain hurts!

Specialist: Well let's take a look at it, Mr Gumby.

(Gumby specialist starts to pull up Gumby's sweater.)

T.F. Gumby: No, no, no, my brain in my head.

(Specialist thumps him on the head)

Specialist: It will have to come out.

T.F. Gumby: Out? Of my head?

Specialist: Yes! All the bits of it. Nurse! Nurse! (a nurse enters) Nurse! Nurse! Nurse, take Mr Gumby to a brain surgeon.

Nurse: Yes doctor.

(She leads Gumby out. In the background the specialist is grunting and shouting.)

Specialist: Where's the 'Lancet'?

Nurse: (to T.F. Gumby) He's brilliant you know.

Specialist: Where's the bloody 'Lancet'? My brain hurts too.

(Ambulance racing. 'Dr Kildare' theme. Cut to operating theatre. The surgeon is not a Gumby.)

Surgeon (Graham Chapman): (putting on Gumby props) Gloves... glasses... moustache... handkerchief... (Gumby voice) I'm going to operate!!

(We now see he is surrounded by Gumbys. T.F. Gumby is on operating table.)

All: Let's operate.

(They begin to use woodworking implements on T.F. Gumby.)

T.F. Gumby: (Sits up) Hello!

Surgeon: Ooh! We forgot the anaesthetic!

Operating Gumbys: The anaesthetic! The anaesthetic!

(At that moment a Gumby anaesthetist comes crashing through the wall with two gas cylinders.)

Gumby Anaesthetist (Terry Jones): I've come to anaesthetize you!!

(He raises a gas cylinder and strikes T.F. Gumby hard over the head with it. Bong. Blackness.)

Continue to the next sketch... 'Molluscs' - Live TV Documentary