The Public are Idiots

(Cut to two twin-set-and-pearls ladies, Mrs Elizabeth III and Mrs Mock Tudor. They are in a sitting room with vulgar furnishings. By the TV, which they are watching, stands a small Arab boy. He has electrodes fixed to him and wires stretching from a control box held by Mrs Elizabeth III. They are watching the tramps.)

Mrs Mock Tudor: (Graham) Bloody repeats!

(She presses the switch. The arab boy flinches with pain and turns and switches of the TV set.)

Mrs Elizabeth III: (Terry J.) Yes, repeats or war films. It really makes you want to micturate.

Mrs Mock Tudor: People on television treat the general public like idiots.

Mrs Elizabeth III: Well we are idiots.

Mrs Mock Tudor: Oh no we are not!

Mrs Elizabeth III: Well I am.

Mrs Mock Tudor: How do you know you're an idiot?

Mrs Elizabeth III: Oh, I can show you!

Mrs Mock Tudor: How?

Mrs Elizabeth III: Look!

(Cut to Mrs Elizabeth III coming out of the front door in a fairly well-to-do mock Tudor detached house in its own grounds. She runs headlong into a tree opposite the front door. Repeat a few times. Then she rushes into a field, digs a hole three feet deep and stands in it. Cut to her standing beside a letter box. She straps on a long false nose and pokes it through the letter box. She drinks a delicate cup of tea at a posh café and eats the whole cup. Cut to her nailing something to a lorry. The lorry starts off to reveal that she had been nailing herself to the lorry. She is dragged away. Cut to TV planners at a window, watching Mrs Elizabeth III doing silly things in a car park below them. She has a cream bun hanging from a long stick which comes out of her hat. She walks along strangely.)

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